


Nothing's Wrong With Me

by thedesconocido



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24837490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedesconocido/pseuds/thedesconocido
Summary: Chenle's trying to come to terms with his feelings, and assuring himself that nothing's wrong with him.
Relationships: Zhong Chen Le centric
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52





	Nothing's Wrong With Me

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is actually more Chenle-centric and there's no actual romantic relationship with Jisung in this fic. If that's not what you're looking for, I'm sorry! I love writing about character's growth and I had fun writing about Chenle. I hope if you're here to stay, you'd come to enjoy the story as well.

Chenle doesn't understand why people celebrate "monthsiversary" (is this even a real word?) when the whole point of anniversary is to celebrate things… annually. _Like_ , once a year. _Like_ , birthdays, but for other things. His parents would celebrate their marriage anniversary every year by having dinner at an expensive restaurant with the whole family and it's always tedious for him. Birthdays are better, at least it has a special song for the occasion so he can sing along.

So, he really doesn't understand why his best friend Jisung would post a photo with his girlfriend and caption it with _"happy first monthsiversary my love @yena_lee"_ complete with three red heart emojis. They say red heart emoji means true love or whatever. It's cringeworthy and Chenle can't picture Jisung doing anything as such prior to this post. 

Apparently, he's wrong about Jisung.

☆☆☆

It's 11:30, the happiest time for the students because the bell would ring, announcing their second and lunch break. Chenle takes out his phone and his airpod, mindlessly scrolling through new songs recommended by Spotify before he presses the shuffle button. He's into hip hop and r&b these days, and his taste in music is largely shared with Jisung.

Right, speaking of Jisung. _Park Jisung._

He's currently giggling and holding hands with his girlfriend (Yena? Yerim? Chenle couldn't remember). How did she even get into their class so soon when the bell just rang? Did she run here? Chenle has so many questions. 

Also, Jisung looks silly right now, Chenle thinks. He's trying so hard to look cool in front of that girl when they all know how much of a dork Jisung truly is. Ok well, apparently not all, because that girl whose name starts with Y is happily giggling and leaning closer to Jisung.

_Ew._

Chenle grunts and decides to go to the cafeteria alone and eat his lunch before he gags from the public display of affection. Jisung was actually cool before he decided to be in a relationship with some girl and ignore him.

"Yo, Chenle!"

Chenle barely holds himself from rolling his eyes because what's with the yo, yo? But he acts cool as well and replies with a nonchalant "Yeah?" as he swipes his bangs. Chenle can be cool too when he wants to, and _obviously_ he's way cooler than Jisung, thank you very much.

"Are you coming to play laser tags with _the boys_ this weekend?"

Jisung is currently smiling-smirking with his right hand awkwardly wrapping around his girlfriend's shoulder. Chenle sighs.

"Who are the boys you're talking about?"

"Donghyuck hyung, Jaemin hyung, Jeno hyung, and Renjun hyung _obviously._ " Jisung grins, proud to mention their seniors' names who are already freshmen in college and were the coolest kids in high school. Chenle almost laughs.

But before he can answer, Yena/Yerim gasps dramatically and looks at Jisung in awe. "You're friends with them?"

"Of course," Jisung laughs (sounds fake). "We're best buds."

Chenle snorts. If only she knows that Jisung is practically the baby in the group, she probably wouldn't see him as a cool guy anymore. But Chenle is nice so he's going to stay silent.

"Oh my god," the girl shrieks. "Can I tag along?"

"No," Chenle butts in. He has never reacted so fast in his life. "Sorry but this is an exclusive hangout."

Jisung nods dumbly and stutters a quiet, "Y-yeah, what he said."

The girl (seriously Chenle, why can't you remember her name?) pouts. "I really can't tag along?"

"No, sorry Yena baby," Jisung smiles apologetically and wraps his hand around her shoulder again. "But we can meet next weekend!"

Chenle snorts again. What's with the baby? But he finally remembers the girl's name. It's Yena, and Jisung is making a kissy face with her. Chenle feels awkward and out of place. He rubs the back of his neck and grimaces, he really needs to get out of there fast.

"Umm," he starts. "I'm going to the cafeteria for lunch."

Chenle hopes Jisung would stop being all snuggly with Yena and go with him, but instead, Jisung nods and waves a nonchalant goodbye. Chenle feels _highkey_ sad about that. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Him feeling left out and lonely because Jisung already has a girlfriend? He doesn't know, but he's sure he doesn’t like it.

Chenle doesn’t remember much about what happened after lunch. He was mostly just staring into blank space and pretending to listen to what the teachers were saying. Today is Thursday, meaning he has basketball practice after school. He really looks forward to that because at least he will be focused on the ball and not on his friend. 

_(He hopes he can focus.)_

The bell rings for the last time that day, signalling the end of the day and pulling Chenle out of his musing. He’s still packing his books when he feels urgent taps on his shoulder. He sighs, because he knows who exactly is tapping his shoulder. There’s really no one else with a bigger hand than Jisung after all.

“What?” Chenle says nonchalantly, not turning around to look. 

Jisung steps forward to take a seat in front of him and he finally looks. Jisung is grinning and he can’t help but smile along. “What?” he says again.

“So,” Jisung starts, clasping his hands while looking at Chenle. “My mom finally agreed to buy me a Switch.”

“That’s great, that means my Switch will be safe now.” Chenle teases, amused with how Jisung would pout every time he does so. He laughs. “Stop sulking. When are you buying the Switch? I can come along with you and your mom.” Jisung tilts his head, contemplating. Chenle clears his throat. “Just so you won’t be scammed or _something._ ”

“Of course!” Jisung grins. “I’m going on Sunday. You can sleepover after we go out with the hyung if you want. I made my mom promise to leave as early as possible.”

Chenle laughs. “Going as early as possible won’t change anything.”

“It does,” Jisung gasps. “The earlier I have my Switch, the more time I can play with it!”

“Sure,” Chenle packs his last book and zips his bag. “I’ll sleepover at your house.”

Jisung nods excitedly. “Great, umm… I’m going to pick up Yena at her class. I’m already late. Good luck with your practice today, captain!”

Chenle nods, feeling _highkey_ dejected that Jisung leaves him so soon and doesn’t walk to the gym hall with him like he used to. He knows it’s bound to happen at some point in their friendship, he just didn’t expect it would be this soon. Should he find a girlfriend too? But… does he even want a girlfriend? He honestly doesn’t know. He just feels a little left out that everyone around him starts having a girlfriend and he’s not. Or is it just because it’s Jisung, he doesn’t know.

If he drags himself out of the classroom to the gym hall and is not able to focus on the ball like he wanted, it’s on Park Jisung, not him.

☆☆☆

“Chenle, are you listening to me?”

Chenle grimaces and shakes his head. The national exam is coming soon and he can’t focus because of adult problems. His mom would be furious if she knows. He dares to look up at his tutor, _lowkey_ scared that he would see an angry face directed at him. But he’s met with a kind smile instead.

“Do you want to take a break?” Kun ge, his tutor, offers. “I know school and basketball practice have tired you out. We can take a break.”

He _highkey_ wants to cry, he’s already tearing up a little. He doesn’t deserve a kind tutor like Kun ge. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracks and he’s trying his best not to cry in front of Kun ge. He’s not a baby. “I just… have a lot in mind. It’s stupid, I don’t know.”

Kun ge places his pen on the table and smiles at Chenle. “Want to share? Maybe it won’t solve everything, but at least the burden is shared so you won’t feel as heavy as you are right now.”

As if on cue, Chenle starts crying and Kun ge hands him some napkins. Kun ge waits patiently and gently pats the back of Chenle’s hand to offer him support, while Chenle wipes his snot and breathes to calm down.

“I just feel left out,” he starts. “My best friend Jisung already has a girlfriend and he changed a lot. We used to do everything together but now it’s all Yena, Yena, and Yena. He didn’t go to the cafeteria with me anymore so I had to eat alone during lunch break, he didn’t walk me to the gym hall for basketball practice again, and he... he posted something _silly_ on his instagram. He used to hate that, now he’s doing it! I don’t know if I like this new side of him. I feel like I’m losing a best friend.”

Kun ge pats the back of his hand again while he’s crying louder. He feels so small and stupid for crying over his best friend.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling this way,” Kun ge says while handing him more napkins. “Have you tried talking to him about what you feel?”

Chenle shakes his head no. “No, that would be weird.”

“It feels that way, but talking about feelings is actually not weird,” Kun ge says. “I think as your best friend Jisung would listen and try to understand how you feel about him. In return, you will also find out what he’s feeling and going through right now.”

“What is he even going through?” Chenle snorts but lowers his head because Kun ge has been kind to him. He should be kind too. “He’s _happy_ , he has a girlfriend.”

“Hmm… do you perhaps also want to have a girlfriend, Lele?”

Does he want to have a girlfriend? He honestly doesn’t know. He didn’t feel too weird when his other friends had a girlfriend, and he didn’t really mind when his other friends started ditching him to go on a date with their girlfriends. But when it comes to Jisung… it feels so _different._

“I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t think so. I never really had a problem with this before.”

Kun ge smiles and pats the back of his hand again. “In my opinion, you won’t lose your best friend just because he has a girlfriend now. I think it feels that way because it used to be just the two of you and no one else. It’s very normal to feel this way, Lele. But I hope you can tell him about what you feel, because your feelings matter too, and he should know.”

Chenle doesn’t say anything and Kun ge squeezes his hand gently. “Do you want to drink some hot chocolate? They usually make me feel better.”

“S-sure,” he says and starts crying again. “I’d love that, thank you ge.”

Kun ge nods and holds his hand all the way to the kitchen. It makes Chenle feel warm all over. Kun ge has been, _always been_ , kind to him. His own older brother is already married and lives in China so he doesn’t meet him too often, nor does he talk to him that often. His brother is way too old to relate with him. He’s always a baby in his brother’s eyes anyway. 

Meanwhile Kun ge, even though he is six years older than him, he never talks down to him or belittles his opinion. He would always listen like what he’s saying makes sense or matter. Chenle appreciates that a lot. It feels nice to be treated like an adult sometimes.

“A cup of hot chocolate special for Chenle,” Kun ge says after a while, and Chenle barely holds back to snort. Kun ge is silly and acts like a total grandpa sometimes. “I added some marshmallows for you.”

Chenle laughs, bringing the cup to his lips and sips a little. “Thank you, ge.”

Kun ge nods and they drink the hot chocolate in a comfortable silence. True to his word, the hot chocolate helps Chenle to feel better.

☆☆☆

Friday rolls around and Chenle is surprised to find Jisung sitting on his chair when he arrives at school in the morning. Ok _fine_ , honestly, he's even more surprised by the fact that Jisung arrives this early. But he’s surprised anyway and he stands still by the door until Jisung finally realizes his presence and waves at him.

“Chenle, why are you standing by the door?”

“Why are _you_ here this early?” Chenle retorts back and walks to his chair. “Also why are you sitting on my chair?”

Jisung grins and Chenle _lowkey_ hates how it makes him smile too. It feels kind of automatic and impossible not to. “I’m feeling happy this morning. Guess what,” Jisung says.

“What,” Chenle rolls his eyes. “Also move, I want to sit.”

“Try to guess first,” Jisung shakes his head. “I will move if you guess correctly.”

Chenle sighs. “Is this about Switch?”

“Nope,” Jisung shakes his head. “Guess again.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” Chenle says and Jisung shrugs. “If it’s not Switch then it’s about... _Yena._ ”

Jisung gasps and nods excitedly. “You’re right!” Chenle’s heart drops and he can’t understand why. But he mentioned Yena’s name hoping he’d be wrong.

“W-what about her?” Chenle asks. Jisung is still grinning and gestures him to lean closer.

“I kissed her,” he whispers excitedly. “Yesterday after school we went to Subway, and you know how I always--”

Chenle’s heart drops, he stops listening, and he has to lean on to the table so he won’t fall. Why does he feel so weird right now? Why is he not happy for his best friend? He’s heard his friends kissing their girlfriends too and he never felt this way. _What’s wrong with him?_ He’s afraid of what’s going through his head and what he’s feeling and he _highkey_ can’t breathe.

“...le, Chenle!” Jisung urgently helps him to sit down. He’s not aware of a single thing that’s going on right now. “Are you okay? You suddenly paled and almost fainted. Are you sick?”

Chenle shakes his head and he’s trying his best not to cry in front of Jisung. He doesn’t want to look like a _loser._ “Please call my mom, I want to go home.”

“Oh my god, okay. I’ll call your mom. Do you want to go to the infirmary? You can lie down--”

“Just hurry up!” Chenle shouts and his voice cracks as he starts crying. “I’m sorry, I really don’t feel well right now.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay” Jisung assures him as he hurriedly dials Chenle’s mom’s number. “Hold on, _okay_ , you will be alright.”

Chenle’s not sure about that but he nods and hides his face by facing down on the table, pressing his forehead as tight as he can to the table so no one can see that he’s crying. It’s _weird_ and embarrassing. Why is he even crying? Why does he even feel so sick? He should be happy for his best friend and not feel shitty like this. He feels even shittier that he can’t be happy for his best friend when he sees how Jisung has been smiling and grinning all morning. What is even this feeling?

_I’m a bad friend, aren’t I?_

☆☆☆

Chenle locks his door and is not answering to his mom’s questions all the way from school until they have arrived home a few minutes ago. He knows his mom’s very worried but he can’t tell her the truth. He doesn’t even know what’s really going on with him.

Still sniffling to his pillow, his phone lights up on the nightstand and he picks it up to see what it is. He’s not really surprised to see that it’s a message from Jisung. It says, _“hey are u okay? :( i’m so worried. never seen you sick b4. hope u gws!! i’d be rlly sad if you cant go tmrrw :( ok sorry for chatting u a lot, u should rest.”_ and it makes him feel even shittier. He can’t be happy for his best friend who’s now worried for him and he’s still feeling so _weird_ he doesn’t know what to do.

What even is this feeling anyway? Why is he so sad that Jisung kissed Yena? He wants to scream or do _anything_ to not feel this way again.

“Chenle,” he hears his mom calling for him. “Open the door. You should eat something. If you don’t open the door I’ll call your baba to fly here and talk to you.”

Chenle finally relents and gets up to open the door. His mom looks at him worriedly and sighs. Stepping aside to let her mom in, Chenle goes back to his bed and plants his face to his pillow. He probably will never be ready to talk about what happened at school this morning with his mom.

“Get up,” his mom says, and he reluctantly rolls over. “Stop moping and eat. You were fine this morning, what happened?”

“I felt sick,” he says, not entirely lying, but not telling the truth either. “I suddenly felt light and almost fainted. Jisung told you already.”

His mom sighs again and places her hand to his forehead. “You don’t have fever.”

Chenle shrugs and rolls over again so he can lie down comfortably. “I just suddenly felt sick, I don’t know what happened either.”

“Did something happen between you and Jisung?” his mom asks and Chenle tries his best to hide his surprise. He really doesn’t want to tell his mom. “You don’t usually fall ill so easily and so suddenly unless something happened.”

“Nothing happened,” Chenle sighs and he feels bad to feel upset at his mom right now. “I just felt sick, _okay_ , and I wanted to go home.”

“Don’t give that attitude to me,” his mom reprimands and looks at him as if she has a lot more to say. Chenle knows she has a lot to say and he deserves that for having an attitude. “Okay,” she says instead. “But get up and eat if you still want to hang out with your friends tomorrow.”

 _Right_ , he still has to see Jisung tomorrow. Chenle sighs and gets up, he doesn’t want to think about that now and follows his mom to the dining room. Honestly he feels a little hungry, but he’s too sad to care about that. Usually, eating his mom’s food always makes him happy and cheered up. He hopes it will now because he needs to get rid of the weird feeling.

“Should I call Kun to cancel this afternoon’s tutor?”

Chenle shakes his head. He’s kind of hoping to talk with Kun ge about his _“feelings”_ this afternoon. “It’s fine, I need to study.”

His mom looks at him appraisingly before she nods. “Right, and you can talk to him about what’s bothering you.”

Chenle doesn’t say anything and eats his food.

☆☆☆

It’s 4:30 PM and Kun ge has arrived. They’re currently at the living room and Chenle’s mom went out to “shop”. Chenle knows she’s giving him space to talk with Kun ge and he’s very grateful for that. His mom is a bit of a traditional person but at least she still respects her children’s privacy.

“So,” Kun ge starts. “I heard you felt ill today.”

Chenle nods and he plays with the pen on his hand. “You can say that.”

“Hmm,” Kun ge nods and leans forward. “Mind telling me what happened?”

 _Okay,_ what should he say to Kun ge? How should he say it? He’s suddenly not sure Kun ge would understand. He chews on his lower lip. “It’s about Jisung.”

Kun ge doesn’t say anything, he only nods to encourage Chenle to speak. Chenle sighs and wills himself to continue. “He... kissed his girlfriend yesterday.”

Chenle dares himself to look at Kun ge who’s still smiling and not saying anything. He continues, “I suddenly felt weird and highkey sad. I still feel that way and it’s weird because what the fuck--”

“ _Language_ , Lele.”

“Right, sorry,” Chenle says sheepishly and Kun ge smiles again. “Anyway it feels weird because… I should be happy for him. I shouldn’t feel sick and bothered because my other friends kissed their girlfriends too and I was never bothered by it. But this time I am! I don’t feel happy and I don’t know what’s this weird feeling I’m feeling right now. It’s so _complicated_ and I hate it. I wish I could stop it.”

Kun ge doesn’t say anything for a while and it makes him so nervous because he wants Kun ge to say something and gives him a solution, an answer, _anything_. He’s sure his gege has an answer for everything like he always has.

“Hmm,” Kun ge finally says. “I think… what you’re feeling is jealousy.”

“J-jealousy?” Chenle stutters and looks at Kun ge who seems so serious. _He can’t be serious?_ “I don’t feel jealous because he has a girlfriend to kiss! I feel sad and weird and that’s--”

“No, Lele,” Kun ge cuts him and holds his hand as if to give him an assurance and support. He needs that alright, but this is making him panic a little. “I meant to say you’re jealous that Jisung is kissing someone else, and it’s okay if you feel that way.”

“W-what do you mean?”

Kun ge sighs and gives him another reassuring smile. “I think you like him as more than a friend, Lele.”

“No way!” Chenle screams and pulls his hand in shock. “I’m not… I can’t be! He’s Jisung!”

“What’s wrong with Jisung?” Kun ge asks.

“Are you kidding me? Jisung is a guy! I can’t like a guy!”

“Lele, calm down,” Kun ge moves to sit beside him and wraps him in a hug. “You actually can like anyone you want to and it’s okay. It’s really okay, I promise.”

Chenle starts to cry again, he’s panicked. It feels so weird and this feels even worse. Is he really jealous that Jisung is kissing someone else? Does he really like _like_ Jisung? Isn’t that wrong? Isn’t that weird?

“--le, Lele, please breathe. I’m sorry,” Kun ge pats his back gently but he can’t hear much of what Kun ge is saying. “I’m sorry--”

“That can’t be true,” he says and Kun ge nods, letting him speak. “That can’t be true, ge. That’s wrong. Jisung would hate me.”

“It’s not weird or wrong, Lele,” Kun ge says. “And if Jisung likes boys and has a boyfriend, will you think it’s weird or wrong? Will you hate him?”

Chenle shakes his head. _Of course not_. Jisung would still be his best friend no matter what.

“See, it’s really okay. I’m sure Jisung would think the same and won’t be weirded out. You don’t have to do anything about it if you don’t want to. It doesn’t have to make it weird with Jisung either, if that’s what you’re worried about. You have plenty of time to sort your feelings and figure things out, okay? Please, it’s okay, and I’m sorry I made you panic.”

“I don’t know,” Chenle says. “I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“It’s okay,” Kun ge says again. “No one truly knows what’s going on in their life either. We’re always figuring things out, Lele. _It’s okay_.”

Chenle closes his eyes, hoping this is not really happening.

☆☆☆

_sorry i was sleeping the whole day_ , Chenle types. _i’m ok now. will join the game tmrrw, dw._

After crying his heart out and drinking two cups of Kun ge’s hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and dodging his mom’s questioning looks the whole evening, Chenle finally feels calm enough to reply to Jisung’s text. His eyes feel swollen and heavy, and he’s dizzy from all the crying and thinking.

He remembers Kun ge saying it’s okay, but he’s not sure. It feels weird because his friends, his best friend, everyone else he knows like girls and girls only. He’s the only one who hasn’t been looking for a girlfriend and the only experience he has with girls is three years ago, when he was still 14. He used to boast about this fact to Jisung because Jisung has no experience. He dated (was it even really dating?) briefly with a girl who’s a year younger than him and it lasted for two months. He never tried to kiss her either. In his defence, he was still too young so he didn’t dare to do much.

After that, he never likes anyone else and focuses on his study. He never tries to actively look for someone to date either. It doesn’t feel that important to him. But now, with the possibility of him crushing on Jisung, he feels… he doesn’t know, weird? He never thought about liking a guy or actually finding other guys attractive in that way. Will it be really okay to like guys like Kun ge claimed? He’s not sure his parents would be happy to find out that her son likes guys too. Or guys only. Or Jisung only.

His phone lights up again, and it’s a text from Jisung.

 _dw dw, thats gr8 news! cant wait to hangout with u tmrrw._

Chenle sighs and pulls up his blanket to cover his whole body and face. Why is it so difficult to be a 17 year old?

☆☆☆

“Chenle, wake up! Your friend is here!”

Chenle groans and looks at his phone. It reads 10:00 AM, still very early, and what did his mom say again? He sighs and closes his eyes again. Five more minutes.

“Chenle!” his mom knocks on his door loudly this time and he groans. It’s Saturday, for god’s sake. “Wake up! Jisung is here!”

He gets up at that and looks at his door in shock. Jisung is here? At 10:00 AM?! He hurriedly goes to the bathroom to comb his hair, brush his teeth, and change his pajamas. After deeming himself presentable enough, he unlocks his door and almost screams because Jisung is standing right in front of his door and is cackling to see Chenle’s face.

“Hi! Are you already feeling better? Did you just wake up?”

“No I’ve been awake since 6:00 AM,” Chenle says and Jisung snorts. “Of course I just woke up. Why are you here so early anyway?”

“I miss you,” Jisung says, pouting, and Chenle tries his best not to show any reaction. “It was so lonely without you yesterday.”

“You have Yena to keep you company,” Chenle rolls his eyes and a little bitterly. “You hang out with her all the time.”

“It’s different,” Jisung says. “With her I can’t goof around or be completely me. Kind of tiring.”

“That’s dumb,” Chenle says and they walk downstairs to the dining room. “You should still be you. Didn’t she like you because you’re… you?”

Jisung shrugs. “It’s different when you’re in a relationship, I guess. You should compromise and stuff.”

“Still, you shouldn’t lose yourself trying to please her. You should be liked for being yourself.” 

Jisung smiles and wraps Chenle in a hug. If they’re characters in The Sims, is this a friendly hug? Chenle wonders. Jisung lets go a bit too soon for Chenle’s liking and he almost pulls Jisung for another hug. Fortunately he’s able to stop himself. 

“Anyway my cousin will pick us up at 11 so you have exactly one hour to get ready.”

“It’s fine,” Chenle shrugs and starts preparing a toast for two of them. “One hour is plenty of time. Strawberry or nutella?”

“Strawberry please,” Jisung says. “So, are you already feeling better now? I mean you shouldn’t force yourself to tag along if you’re still unwell.”

Chenle looks up and sees his mom is in the living room, drinking coffee and probably talking on the phone with his dad. He doesn’t want his mom to snitch and tell Jisung he’s been crying.

“I’m fine,” he says, and hands a plate of toast to Jisung. “Sorry for yelling at you yesterday.”

“Don’t worry,” Jisung says. “You must have been in pain or something. You were really pale.”

“Uhh,” Chenle shrugs and sits down to eat his nutella toast. “Yeah, I kind of was. But I’m fine now so don’t worry.”

Jisung’s phone lights up and he’s no longer paying attention to Chenle. Without having to ask, Chenle knows it’s Yena. He doesn’t want to feel jealous, because it’s still so weird for him to feel that way, but he can’t help it. They used to hang out without any distractions. Jisung wasn’t the type to check his phone and ignore his friends when they’re hanging out. Guess some things have changed.

Chenle tries his best to ignore how Jisung’s face also lights up while texting Yena. He wants to stay friends with Jisung no matter what, no matter if he’s still figuring things out like Kun ge said. It would suck a lot to lose a friend in the process of that extremely difficult and complicated thing. And even if Kun ge says sometimes we lose friends because we outgrow them and that’s okay, he doesn’t want that to happen to him and Jisung.

Why can’t adults stay friends with each other? Why is it so difficult? Why is everything so complicated? Growing up and being adults suck.

“Uhh,” Jisung taps his shoulder and he realizes he’s been spacing out. “Are you not going to finish your toast?”

Chenle snorts. “Here, you can have it. I’m going to take a shower. You can go up to my room after you finish the toast.”

“Alright,” Jisung says gleefully and Chenle feels his heart is doing weird things again.

He quickly takes a shower and gets ready, packing extra clothes because he will be sweaty and he will need to take a shower again, also because he’s going to sleepover at Jisung’s house tonight. He hopes nothing will go wrong today. 11:00 AM comes soon, and Jisung announces that his cousin is already here to pick them up. Chenle doesn’t forget to pack some snacks because he knows they will be hungry during the game.

“Hi kids,” Chanyeol, Jisung’s cousin who’s just as giant as Jisung, greets them and he also doesn’t forget to greet Chenle’s mom before they leave. “Do you guys need an extra player? I’m very experienced and skilled.”

“Ugh,” Jisung rolls his eyes and folds his hands. “You’re too old to hang out with high school kids.”

“Ouch,” Chanyeol laughs and turns his face slightly to look at Chenle. “I’m sure Chenle won’t mind me joining.”

“Uhh,” Chenle laughs nervously and shrugs. “I mean if you can still run as fast as us, I don’t see why not.”

Chanyeol gasps and puts a hand to his chest. “I’m not that old! I run very fast, you know.”

Jisung rolls his eyes and Chenle laughs again. They like to tease Chanyeol because he’s actually someone they can talk and relate to despite the age differences. Also Chenle knows, Jisung actually adores his cousin so much.

“Okay, get in the car,” Chanyeol says. “This old man will take you to meet your friends and play laser tag games.”

Chenle and Jisung get in the car, with Jisung sitting in the passenger seat and Chenle in the backseat. Chanyeol plays a song in a low volume and it creates a soothing background noise as they drive through the town. Chenle rests his head and looks out the window, to the buzzing street of Seoul.

“So,” Chanyeol suddenly says. “Jisung, I heard you already have a girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Jisung says, blushing, and Chenle wills himself to look away so he won’t feel weird again. “I’ve been dating her for a month going on two.”

“That’s nice,” Chanyeol says and his boisterous laugh fills in the whole car. “What about you, Chenle? Have someone you like?”

“Uhh,” Chenle highkey panics. What should he answer? I don’t know but I think I like your cousin, haha jk, unless? He sweats nervously. “I guess… I don’t know, though. What about you?”

He grimaces because that’s dumb. Why would he ask Chanyeol? Fortunately Chanyeol just laughs. “I’ve been in a relationship for four years now.”

“Oh,” Chenle says. “Are you going to get married soon?”

“I don’t know if that’s possible,” Chanyeol says, still laughing. Chenle notes that Jisung looks a bit wary. “Anyway you don’t have to be married to be happy and committed with each other, Chenle.”

“Why not possible?” Chenle asks again and he kind of wants to smack his own mouth so he would shut up. But he keeps talking, “Are you like, in a Romeo-Juliet type of relationship?”

Chanyeol laughs wholeheartedly this time and it takes him a while to stop. He finally says, “Kind of, but it’s Romeo and Tybalt instead of Romeo and Juliet.”

Huh? What’s that?

“Uhh, what do you mean?”

Chanyeol looks serious now and even Jisung looks serious. Chenle wants to cancel his question and apologize, but Chanyeol beats him to it.

“I’m in a relationship with a man, Chenle.”

Chenle says oh a bit dumbly and apologizes for being so nosey. Chanyeol assures him it’s okay but for the rest of the ride no one is talking again and Jisung looks pissed. This time the music that’s playing becomes a reminder to Chenle of his rudeness and the thick tension between him and Jisung. He sighs. He really should have just sat there and ate his snack.

Not long after, they finally arrive at the laser tag venue and Chanyeol drops them off after he makes sure that Donghyuck, Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin are already there.

“Have fun, kids! Call me when it’s time to go home!”

Chenle and Jisung nod before they walk into the venue to register and stuff. Jisung has been awfully quiet and it scares Chenle. Jisung is never quiet.

“Jisung,” he says and Jisung doesn’t budge. “Jisung, look at me. I’m sorry.”

Jisung finally looks at him and Chenle winces because Jisung looks really angry. “You shouldn’t have done that, do you know that?”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Chenle says. “I didn’t mean to pry or be so nosey.”

“He’s had a hard time for that, you know,” Jisung says, still pissed. “Are you also going to judge him for being gay, Chenle?”

“What,” Chenle gasps. “Of course not! Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”

Jisung sighs. “You’re right. Sorry, I’m just protective of Chanyeol hyung. He’s old and a little weird sometimes, but I deeply care about him. I hate it when people judge him only for his sexual preferences. He deserves to be seen as himself, you know, he’s more than just a gay man. I want him to be happy.”

Chenle tears up a little at that. “Of course,” he says. “I’m sorry for being nosey.”

“It’s okay,” Jisung sniffles, right on time as the hyungs finished registering their team. Jisung quickly wipes his tears. “Oh, hyungs!”

Chenle looks at Jisung again, and this time in a completely different light. He’s still a dork and a bit too tall for someone their age, but he can be really mature when he wants to. Even way more mature than Chenle who’s two months older. 

He remembers what Kun ge said again, and he thinks to himself, will it really be okay for him to like Jisung? To like guys? Maybe it really is okay.

After the game, Chanyeol picks them up again and Chenle is determined to apologize. He even bought chocolate, in case Chanyeol hesitates and doesn’t want to forgive him. Maybe a chocolate could change his mind, you know? Jisung assures him that Chanyeol hyung is very forgiving and says that maybe he already forgets what happened but Chenle still feels nervous about it.

Once he gets in the car and buckles up because safety is very important, he immediately blurts out, “Chanyeol hyung I’m very sorry for what I did this morning, I didn’t mean to pry and be nosey and I swear I’m not a jerk, I would never judge you because you’re actually really cool despite your old age--”

“Whoa, whoa,” Chanyeol laughs and stops the car to look at Chenle. “Chenle, it’s fine, really. I know you didn’t mean any harm by asking and I’m not offended at all.”

Chenle chews on his lower lip. “I’m still very sorry. I was rude.”

“You’re only rude for calling me old,” Chanyeol teases and Chenle perks up. “It’s really fine, kid. Don’t worry about it.”

“I bought you chocolate,” Chenle says and Chanyeol laughs again. Jisung laughs with him. “And on a serious note you’re actually really cool. Jisung also said so.”

“Hey!” Jisung says and Chanyeol laughs again. He really laughs a lot. “I didn’t say you can tell him about that!”

“Aww,” Chanyeol coos. “Jisung finally admits he loves me. Today is a really good day!”

Jisung grumbles but they all know it’s just an act, because Jisung cares about Chanyeol a lot. The rest of the car ride is filled with laughter and jokes, and Chanyeol shares a lot about his long-term boyfriend who’s currently enlisted. They seem really cool and Chenle hopes one day he can meet the two of them. Maybe by then he would finally be okay with himself too.

They arrive at Jisung’s home at 5:00 PM, the time when Jisung’s mom’s cooking and Chanyeol leaves after greeting Jisung’s parents. Chenle notices that Jisung’s dad seems a little awkward with Chanyeol, but nothing too terrible. Jisung says his dad is mostly trying to ignore the fact that Chanyeol’s gay. Jisung doesn’t like that and he says “I can’t really change fossil’s way of thinking, can I?” Chenle snorts.

At least now, he feels comforted with the fact that his best friend will be supportive of him once he already has things figured out. And maybe… he grows to like Jisung even more as well.

☆☆☆

Chenle’s staring at the ceiling. It’s 6:00 AM, and Jisung is snoring next to him. Today he will accompany Jisung and his mom to buy a Switch and probably will play some games together until his mom picks him up later this evening.

Quietly, Chenle picks up his phone and walks out of Jisung’s room. The house is still quiet, means everyone’s still asleep, and Chenle quietly wears his shoes to walk out to the hallway. The apartment’s still dark and everything is still so quiet as well.

He dials a number, and waits until it’s picked up.

“Chenle, are you okay?”

“Ge,” he says. “Do you think it’s really okay for me to like guys?”

“Chenle, are you okay?”

“Please answer me, ge.”

“Chenle, of course. I promise it’s really okay. But what happened? Are you okay?”

“Nothing’s wrong with it? Nothing’s wrong with me, right?”

“No, Chenle. Nothing’s wrong with you. Hey, are you really okay?”

“Yeah,” Chenle says. “I’m okay now. Thank you, ge. Sorry to call you at 6 in the morning. Please go back to sleep.”

“Chenle, call me anytime you feel sad. Okay? Feel better soon. Go back to sleep.”

Chenle smiles and hums an agreement before he hangs up. When he turns around, Jisung is standing a few metres away from him, looking at him with sleepy eyes, and is leaning on the wall.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” Chenle laughs, and he realizes there’s tears falling down his face. “I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong with me.”

☆☆☆

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, it's been years since I actually wrote anything. It feels liberating to write again and I hope you like it too... This fic marks my debut as NCT writer! Yay! Hahaha. Please be kind with me <3


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